We all need “social rest” | Daybreak Note #185 | Oct. 21, 2019
Good morning, dear!
I missed you last week. My newsletter boss (aka, me) gave me the week off to rest, as my body was protesting a bit. Oh, bodies. So lovely, essential, and yet often troublesome. Perhaps it is our body’s way of saying s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. And: sleep more. And: tend to yourself, dear.
I hope, if your body is protesting, you can take time to listen, too. The cranky back, the unsettled tummy, the achy knee, the nagging cough are all signs and symbols: Take time to mend yourself.
The alternative, as I’ve learned the hard way so many times, is perilous.
Better to wait. Store up energy for the days and years to come. Rest, rest, rest.
Rest comes in so many variations. Like the word “love,” “rest” can’t capture the full extend of experiences we all need.
First, we need sleep. Those precious 8+ hours a night of cell-restoring, mind-clearing rest.
But we also need mental rest, breaks from the pace of driving and errands and chores.
I’ve loved reading “Rest” by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, which I’ve written about before. Alex notes out how mental rest allows our brains to work on problems in the background, which is the key to figuring out new solutions — hence, the epiphany in the shower, or while on a long walk, while seemingly doing “nothing.” Except that “nothing” is very much “something”!
A friend also tuned me into the book “Sacred Rest,” by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, which discusses the concept of “social rest.” I haven’t read the book yet, but the idea of “social rest” immediately made sense. She writes:
“Social rest is about making space for those relationships that revive you.”
Think of those friends who give you energy. Those friends whose conversations, even over and through difficult topics, restore you and leave you feeling more like yourself. You part ways more balanced, less anxious, with a happier spark in your view ahead.
Friendship: What an important kind of rest!
Adulthood is a hard time to hold onto friends. We move, we shift jobs, we gain extra responsibilities, children, aging parents, sick loved ones. And tasks like grocery shopping, bedtime routines, laundry, doctors appointments, work schedules don’t stop. Friend time can seemingly go on pause anytime and indefinitely, but we need social rest, too.
Here’s a little exercise to move this notion into reality. I’ve created a pretty list template for you (in case you love lists as much as I do) that you can download here.
Think of 3 friends who help give you “social rest,” who help revive you, who give you energy in their connection with you.
Note when you connected with them last.
Think about your typical time together and what’s currently most fun and feasible right now. A phone call? A walk or talk over coffee? If you are far apart, could compare you your schedules and plan to see each other in person sometime in the coming season or months ahead?
Make a plan to connect with one of them in the next 2 weeks, by phone, letter, meet up, whatever is possible.
Plot ways to see the other 2 friends.
Hang this up on your fridge or somewhere where you can see it. Take a photo of each section and send that section to the friend listed. (You could forward this email, too.) It’s an extra boost to make this happen. The universe can be your co-conspirator.
Celebrate when you do connect! Write the date and details down.
Think of the list as a gift to future yourself. Beam a ray of sunshine filled with friend energy on the winter path ahead.
Rest up, dear!
With love,
Brianne