Emotions live in your body | Daybreak Note #198 | March 1, 2021
What I learned from a Brené Brown podcast episode: Emotions are a neurological response to stimuli. We need to complete the stress cycle so our bodies know they are safe.
Good morning, dear,
What a long winter this is. I hope you all are doing OK, coping as best we all can. The vaccine appointments opening up to more and more people are giving me hope.
So far, more than 85 million doses have been given, and the U.S. is at the pace now of 2 million shots a day. We’re still a long way off from carefree hugs and indoor birthday parties, but we’re closer.
I listened to a podcast episode recently that gave me another jolt of hope. A feeling of — I didn’t know that! I can do that! That might help!
The podcast episode was Brené Brown’s “Unlocking Us” with Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski (sisters and twins), who have a new book titled Burnout.
The two authors talk about how *Emotions are an involuntary neurological response. They have a beginning, a middle and an end.”
Basically, even if you remove the source of the stress, and you mentally know you aren’t in danger, your body and its ancient wisdom have no idea the stress/danger is really over until you finish this cycle in a physical way. You have to do something to finish the stress cycle. You have to do something to complete the emotion.
If you don’t, if you just ignore the feeling and resolutely go along in your work or tasks or routine, your body can get “stuck” in the chemical stew unleashed by the emotion. As you can imagine, doing this again and again is not good for your body or your thoughts.
So what to do? The authors say there are many, many ways to “complete the stress cycle,” and they offer up a concrete list of starting points:
How to complete the stress cycle
physical activity of any sort
breathing, slow, all the way out
positive social interaction
real laughter
affection — 20-second-plus hugs
creative expression
crying
None of this is revolutionary. But the stress and emotions, especially in this pandemic, are coming faster than any of these loop-closers. At least for me. Maybe for you? Maybe this will help both of us.
I read this list and also thought — almost all of these are harder to do right now. Gyms closed. It’s cold. We aren’t seeing friends. Schools are virtual. Sigh.
But we can do some of them, especially if we realize anew how good — more than good, essential — they are for our health.
How often do we feel something, and stuff it away, because it’s not the right time for an outburst or unwinding that sudden feeling? How often do we feel a wave of something — anger, sadness, worry, fear — and not have a way to work it out, to let the emotion run its natural course, as it would for any another animal without our human brain? I’m guessing every single day.
I never thought of these rising feelings as any more than a mental state. It never occurred to me that they are all reactions in my body, and my body needs me to deliberately do something to help it finish the reaction, physically ending it. Who knew? Who tells you these things??
I’ve started trying to work more of these into my daily rhythm. Three minutes of sloooow breathing, all the way out. Or painting. Or writing (to you! Hi there!). Or a call with a friend. I still haven’t gotten to crying yet, but I’m sure it’s coming.
Finally, it struck me, yet again, that this was valuable knowledge that nearly escaped me. How easy it would have been to miss it! I could be 80 before I happened to read this somewhere else! Why is there is no curriculum for life? It feels so haphazard, what I stumble on these days, the gems of wisdom among the product ads and deluge of emails.
Add to the list of what I didn’t learn in school: That emotions are in your body, that they are physiological (not just mental), and that you need to deliberately do something to let your body relax again, so it knows you are safe, or you will eventually get sick.
And as much as any of us can be, in this singular moment of time, in this particular second here together, you are safe.
Deep breath, friends. In slowly and out slowly. We’re learning together.
With love,
Brianne