Act as if you are staying forever | Daybreak Note #177 | Sept. 16, 2019

Good morning, dear!

Oh, s-t-r-e-t-c-h. Hello, Monday!

I’ve been thinking lately about the tendency in our era to dwell on what’s next and where next might be.

I felt that, as a 20-something in her first full-time job, living in Norfolk, Virginia. This won’t be forever.

I felt that as a newly married partner, moving every 1-2 years. While sometimes I hoped that a new beautiful city would be our stopping point, I knew that even if this particular home stretched out to 3 or 4 years, eventually we’d be moving. This won’t be forever.

That mantra can be a calming balm in challenging times, and it can also be a simple (logical, even!) way to avoid investing in the place where we are now. Oh, it takes time and energy to get to know the neighbors, to learn about the local beat of the culture and politics and priorities, to explore the annual activities, to begin to see where you fit in. It’s easier than ever to fall back into what does seem to be constant wherever we are: books, streaming television, podcasts, movies. Real people and places are so much more effort! And this won’t be forever.

Journalist Jenny Anderson got me thinking about the downfalls of this logical mental stance in her tear-inducing essay about community. She noticed, when attended her brother’s funeral after his long and awful period with cancer, that he had planted himself firmly in a community — in a way she didn’t feel in her own life. 

And so, she decided to change.

We moved into a new house, and I introduced myself to my neighbors. I decided to act as if we were staying there forever, even though I had no idea how long we were staying. I could no longer afford to always be looking ahead to the next place, or job, or project.

What if we acted like we were here forever?

What if we all set about living in this particular spot on the planet as fully as if it were our only community, for the rest of our lives?

What would this change? What would this allow to happen? 

I read something else recently that is the flip side to the “Act Forever” sentiment. 

Where I read this, or heard it, I can’t remember. But the thought sticks with me: 

If you know you aren’t staying forever, if you’ve already decided to leave at some point, you’ve already left.

You already are, in essence, absent. You are already not sharing your full self. You are already somewhere else.

I can imagine the problems with this, the friends left unmade, the moments left un-created, the connections left unmet, the work of building a good world left undone. And the community is left poorer for it. So are we.

We can choose to fully present in this place, or not. The vast world is also this particular speck of the planet where you live. They are one and the same.

Let’s act as if we’ll be staying here forever.

With love,
Brianne